Getting Darker and Darker

Still no jobs in sight.  Ask anyone.  We’ve been living on unemployment for two years now, and after 398 job applications which netted only 5 interviews, and one part-time, temporary 3 month position – hope has completely faded away for us.  My husband’s unemployment ends June 30^th.  Then we have exactly zero income.  My health insurance coverage also ends July 31^st.  Then I have zero health coverage.  

Next:  Thanks very much to my online friend who sent me a beautiful head scarf to cover my patchy hair head.  The scarf is so much cooler than the hot wig for summer.   Also thanks to Natalia – I used your donation to buy more diapers yesterday.  I know you wanted me to get something for myself, but that would be selfish when the baby needs personal items more than I do.  Thank you both soooo very much.

My husband, dear man, struggles daily with depression.  It’s not enough that his wife is dying and he’ll be left alone, a widow, to care for a two-year-old and my father with dementia.  He also worries constantly about not being able to provide for me in my last days and provide for the babies needs.  He cried a couple nights ago because he wanted to take me to a movie and we couldn’t even afford the discount theater with seats for $2.  We are so desperate for work that he continues to apply for anything and everything – even though we know most of it is just a waste of time – like the Plaza Hotel Job Fair.  He went to the Plaza Hotel job fair, that first day.  WHAT A JOKE?!!  We knew to apply online first.  We did.  But when the window opened for appointment times, the website crashed and no appointment was given.  We tried repeatedly to get back into the website for 12 hours.  My husband decided to appear in person anyway, expecting that everyone had the same problem and they would probably hand out interview numbers at the Job Fair site.  After a four hour wait, he was told to go home unless he had a scheduled interview.  He said thousands showed up, and most were sent home.  We heard the Silverton was also looking for a few workers (37 positions).  But it’s our understanding that if you ever had a bankruptcy, poor credit or suffered a foreclosure during the thieving bank-mortgage bail outs, then they will not hire you.  They screen out lowlifes that can’t pay their bills, no matter what the reason might be.

Our desperation for income has become an emergency.  My husband had me go through all my card stalk for business cards and print up something he could hand out for any type of work, door-to-door or car-to-car.  I printed up 200 cards on the computer and he handed them out in parking lots for the past two days.  I also going to print up the same thing on just paper and cut it out, since I’m out of cards now.  The cards and a Craig’s List ad read: 

NEED WORK!    ANYTHING & EVERYTHING???   GREAT PRICES!    Will do Lawns, Mowing, Weeding, Gardening, Light Moving, Heavy Moving by Appt., Room-to-Room Furniture Moving, General Maintenance, Clear Lots, Clean Out Foreclosed Homes, Clean out Closets or Storage Units or Garages, Housecleaning, Window Washing, Pet & Cage Cleaning, Change Swamp Cooler Pads and Water Sprayer, Replace Roof Shingles, Haul Off Garbage or Charitable Donations – Just about ANYTHING!!!  Two-Man Team.  Quick Work.  Call for FREE price quotes (quotes can vary after work is identified).

I didn’t include the phone number here because this is a blog that reaches everywhere and the work can only be done locally, in Southern Nevada.  But if you live in Southern Nevada and have some work you can let my husband do for you, just contact us by email ( sweet1things@sbcglobal.net ) and we’ll give you the phone number.  We’ve only had one call so far.  It was a midnight call from a girl wanting to move out of her boyfriend’s place right then.  My husband has a man, who helps with heavy moving and such, but he was not available in the middle of the night, plus she called us a back a little later and said, nevermind because they had resolved their issues.

I’m also going to try making up flyers using minimal paper, maybe cut into fours, to place on fences and doors.  We are just so desperate.

I received a Medicaid Card for the baby and $73 in Food Stamps for me and the baby.  I also applied for a Medicaid Card for medical for myself.  I’m told it takes about a month to approve.  I also re-applied for SSI, but it doesn’t sound like I’ll qualify.  I don’t understand why.  They just tell me it’s because my husband is young enough to work, and not disabled.  He may be young enough and strong enough to work – but where’s the damn work.  We’d prefer work to scrimping and starving!

I have six radiation treatments left and four chemotherapy months.  I’m having a hard time getting the radiations completed because the machine breaks down all the time.  I cannot sit in their office for three hours for a 15-minute appointment.  Sitting for so long on those hard chairs hurts so much.  I imagine at the rate their machine breaks it will take weeks to complete just my last few sessions.  It’s a shame that they waste the time of the dying by not keeping their machine in good working condition.  It looks like I’ll also be ending the chemotherapy without completing the last four months.  My body doesn’t want to handle the chemo without completely plunging my potassium to critical levels.  When your potassium hits a critical level, you become a walking heart attack.  My body has always had a hard time keeping potassium levels normal, and it plunged so low this last time that it put me in the hospital.  My only alternatives are to spend one to weeks a month in the hospital while receiving the chemo and potassium via IVs, or discontinue them and hope it was enough.  The doctor recommended discontinuing them because he feels I will be put in danger levels on the potassium too much which is bad for my general heart health.  So, maybe, no more chemo.  At the end of July I receive another MRI/CAT/PET Scan and EUS to see how much the chemo-radiation helped or did not help.  I don’t even know whether being so sick and damage my body with these chemicals was even worth it.  It’s possible they had no effect at all.  The doctors also mentioned the surgery again.  After talking to them, they seem to advise against it, and I agree.  The surgery, due to the size of my tumor, is quite risky.  I am told I would probably survive the surgery itself, but have a high rate of dying due to infection and leakage afterwards.  But if I decide for the surgery in addition to these treatments, I have to get it before July 31^st when my insurance runs out so I have the option of UCLA.  If I have to get the surgery local, it means my chances of survival are radically less, almost to the point of a huge gamble.  Bleak, bleak and bleaker!  No surgery and the cancer spread to my organs and kill me quickly, or surgery and probably die on the table or within a week or two after … what a lovely selection of choices.

I think it’s nearly time to check out.  Why continue to be a burden on my family’s already stretched finances when I have nothing personal to offer and help out?