Getting Ready to Make that Final Decision

I've been going through all the consults - surgeons, oncologists, chemo-radiologists, gamma-laser, etc.  Two more consults this past week.  Getting all the information like everyone recommended.  I wish the doctors would not be so morose each time they see me.  They all start out with a sad commentary, “Of course, you know your prognosis.  I’m guessing you are here to see me for ______.  I don’t know what I can tell you.  Depending on ______ and ______ and what your oncologist recommends after I give him my information, it looks like we’ll just have to wait and see.  But you survival rate is less than 20% if everything goes perfect, but you don’t look like a candidate for that, so it’s probably much less.”  It’s almost like they rehearse it.  They all say the same thing, over and over.

Today’s consult with another surgeon ended with, “You can get that surgery local.  I can do it.  It’s my specialty.  I do one a day.  But I think you should do the treatments, chemo-radiation first to shrink the tumor.  If the tumor responds to that, then we can maybe consider surgery.  But if the tumor does not respond, and only about 25% do respond, then I would not recommend surgery.  I will only do the surgery if I think it will lengthen your time.” 

Wow!  Well, let’s see what I have here.  The surgeon is reluctant to do the surgery.  It seems my tumor is very large compared to most that they see.  My oncologist recommended against the surgery and told me to opt just for chemo-rad treatments and no surgery.  The surgeon told me to do chemo-rad first, and then the surgery.  The surgeon recommended against gamma-laser surgery.  The gamma-surgeon recommends doing it.  Then, my oncologist discussed my case with the surgeon and he is now suggesting surgery alone and the surgeon seems willing to do that.  What is the truth here?!?  I cannot stand wishy-washy suggestions from a doctor.  Will each doctor tell me to do the treatment that places the most money at their facility or with their referral doctors?  Can I trust these decisions?

I just cannot take it anymore.  Deciding between death one way and another is just too depressing to deal with.  The surgeon even went so far as to say some people opt for the difficulty, pain and recovery of surgery just so they can continue eat until they die.  Gee, thanks for that!  He says I can die with a feeding tube to avoid the pain of eating, or deal with a recovery from surgery pain and eat regularly until I die.  Hmmm, now that’s a real choice.

So where does this leave me?  Monday, I make my final decisions.  I talk to the oncologist one more time.  Then choose.  Treatments, surgery, combo of both, gamma-laser, or suicide?  I’d really rather hear from past esophageal cancer patients who were in Stages 3-4, about how bad FU5 chemo-rad is, and how bad the esophageal surgery is where they remove your esophagus and tie your stomach up under your heart directly to your throat.  Anyone out there have some direct information for me on those?