It Should be a Crime to Waste the Time of the Dying!

My Horrible UCLA Appointment

Horrible, horrible, wrongful appointment!  It should be a crime for a doctor to waste a dying person’s time.

Prior to my UCLA “surgical” consult appointment, my LV oncologist and I discussed treatment options for my cancer.  I opted for surgery without chemo/rad.  Just surgery if it were possible.  The UCLA appointment was suppose to be a “surgical” consult, so the surgeon could tell me if I was an eligible candidate for surgery.  My LV oncologist told me they would need the EUS procedure done prior to the consult.  I wrote about that scheduling nightmare with the EUS doctor’s incompetent staff in this blog.  I still have not had the procedure.  I also read that the surgeon would probably want to see the PET/CAT scan and EUS on CD and have a copy of the results, and have copies of the biopsy slides.

That is why I was surprised when UCLA called me so quickly to schedule the consult (which was still scheduled three weeks out).  I specifically told the scheduler I did not have the EUS yet, and asked if I was able to do the consult without it, plus I asked if a CD was okay for the media of the tests, and that I needed time to gather those and the biopsy slides.  The scheduler told me I did not need to gather any of those because the doctor already had received the results, and not to worry about the EUS.  I was a bit relieved.  I figured the CDs and biopsies must be sent via computers or emails, so patients don’t have to gather them.  That was a real relief because I have been so sick with a cold and don’t have the energy for such things.  UCLA even sent me advance paperwork to fill out and seemed to be very organized.  What a joke!  What a laugh on me!  What an idiot I am!

So, I diligently saved, begged, borrowed, sold things (including my wedding ring and my mother’s wedding ring – she died in March), and did everything I possibly could to accumulate $500 for the trip to UCLA.  That trip involved paying someone to take dinners to my dad for two days, three tanks of gas, overnight at a cheap motel ($95), meals for two days, replacement of a jacket for the baby because someone stole his out of the stroller at the doctor’s office, co-pay for the appointment, $13 parking fee at UCLA, and a tire replacement (someone slashed the side of our tire at the motel).

How did the appointment go?  Things went very bad.  I tried to make sure UCLA had everything they needed prior to my going to the appointment, and I was told they had everything they needed and I only had to bring my paper packet they sent to me ahead of time.  I thought they were well organized, but found out they just wanted to milk my insurance out of more money before I die.  I arrived only to find out they made a mistake with the appointment.  My appointment was set for 1:30pm, which if it went correct and on time, we might miss the rush hour freeway traffic back to the motel (45 minutes away so we could get cheaper rates), if we could get out of the doctor by 2:30pm.  Sounded reasonable – they get to go a full hour over on the appointment over booking time and we could still miss rush hour.  Of course, the appointment was late – very late.  We didn't see the doctor or get out of there until 3:30pm.  So unacceptable.  Wasting the time of a dying person. 

Then the worst of the worst.  They wasted my only funds, the last of the money I will ever have that I begged and borrowed and sold out for, to go for a very important "surgical consult."  They wasted it.  And now we will never have money to return again and have them do it right. 

This doctor visit to UCLA was suppose to be a surgical consult, and instead, they set me up for a second oncology opinion.  I did not need that.  I did not need or want a second opinion on what I already knew!  I was very clear about it.  My LV oncologist thought that was what this appointment was for.  I needed to speak to a surgeon about whether surgery could be an option for me.  We wasted almost $500 on travel, food, problems, overnight accommodations, parking fees, etc. only to find out we learned nothing more than we knew before.  The UCLA oncologist understood that I was noticeably upset by this mistake.  It was hard to miss!  I threw a crying fit and called them all negligent non-caring assholes.  Plus the UCLA oncologist tells me a surgeon needs to see the CD of my PET/CAT scan and the EUS.  I asked them about that before they scheduled the damn appointment, and they said they had it all, but now I find they do not.  Plus the EUS was never done.  I told them that, too, and they said it would not be a problem, come for the consult anyway.  The dumbass UCLA oncologist, knowing I was pissed off and beyond upset, knowing I was pissed because UCLA dropped the damn ball - offered to make arrangements for another appointment with the surgeon the following day, if we could stay another night.  Yah, money grows on trees.  We barely managed funds for one night, and now he wants me to cough up enough for another night and meals for another day.  And if I can stay a couple days, they may even be able to schedule me for an EUS.  He says, “At least let me get you a surgeon to talk to.”  I told him, "You said the surgeon needs to see the CDs of the tests to make decisions and I needed the EUS first, which you told me before I came I didn't need, so what is the bottom line here, will the surgeon need these to tell me what I need to know, which is a lie?"  He tells me the surgeon could still talk to me.  He does not answer my specific question about the surgeon needing the things he told me he would need for that type of consult.  That means I can still talk to someone who will have no answers for me because they lied about the preparations I needed to speak with a surgeon and they lied about the appointment, and they set up the appointment with the wrong person.  That means they want to sooth me by letting me talk to the surgeon who will tell me the exact nothing they already offered because he can’t tell me anything more without an EUS and CDs of the tumor.  That means waste more money, stay another night or longer, and pay them for another consult, that tells me absolutely nothing more than I already know.  I told Mr. UCLA oncologist to shove it up their asses, they were not getting any more insurance payments out of me, and I hoped he ends up with something life devastating so he could see how he made me feel. 

On top of all that, we then had to leave right in the middle of rush hour LA traffic, and it takes over two hours to get back to the motel when it took only 45 minutes to get there.  I cried the entire two hours.

So, now that they have wasted the very last of my resources, these were my options:  Take chemo/rad for four months, puke myself to death, and then maybe surgery to remove tumor (around August), with three to four months painful recovery, followed by another chemo/rad for four months, puke myself to death, and then maybe get a year of life over it - but I'm sick the whole time.  But this is not an option because my insurance runs out July 31st, prior to any date for surgery.  Right now I get 2-6 months without it, more likely on the short side – and get this – the UCLA oncologist is telling me that I am going to die a sufferable painful death, that is very ugly if I choose to just die without treatments.  That’s what I need to hear!  Especially after he has wasted my last resource for the information necessary to live longer.  That miserable non-caring son-of-bitch. 

I don't have anymore funds to go back to UCLA for their mess ups so they kind of decided my fate for me.  I'm going to take care of my final arrangements, set things up as best I can for my husband, and use my insulin for an overdose when I cannot swallow food anymore, which is coming soon from what Mr. UCLA oncologist says. 

Doctors do not care enough about the dying to help them.  They just want to milk my insurance without regard for me.  So, I will have my family around me for a final night of dinner together, and then send them home and overdose.  I do not have the strength to deal with doctors’ incompetence and rip offs.  This will be my last correspondence to you and the others.  I'm doing this write off on my blog page and that will more than likely be the last entry there.  Maybe I will make one last note the night I die and let others know how to do a good suicide when doctors f*ck you over. 

I wish I could have used that $500 they wasted for a nice night out on the town or to take my grandson to Disneyland, or for one last happy time of memories before I died, but UCLA and the doctors stole it with deceit, incompetence and slimy rainbows of hope, so I can't even do that.

Thank you for reading these posts, and trying to be a friend.  I'm going to be very busy now closing out my life and setting things up for my husband and grandson, and then gone.