Dying Wishes - Cancer Sucks!

I am mother with terminal cancer and a two-year-old baby. I am dying within a short time. I live at poverty level due to the economy. I have no health insurance. I have a bucket list with dying wishes. The greatest wishes are a full time job for my husband, good daycare for the baby, and adequate diaper supply until he is potty-trained. I'm looking for someone to care, give emotional support, and understand that dying is not easy. Can you give me a little emotional support?

Monday, March 7, 2011

UCLA Appointment is Today!

It's 2am in the morning on Monday, March 7th. I'm headed to UCLA today for the cancer surgery consult appointment at 2pm. I can't sleep. The anticipation is too high. I'm hoping they will approve me for the surgery to remove the tumor but I really feel awful and anxious because my fear is that they will not do the surgery or they will say it is only "salvage surgery". I'm very stressed. It's a long drive, expensive with gas prices so high, and I'm sick with a very bad cold. I've been in bed for two days straight, and don't look forward to this exhausting trip. I know I've lost more weight. I'm guessing ten pounds or so. I was told it was very important to keep my weight up for the surgery and I haven't even been able to do that. We found a fairly cheap hotel for a one night stay over. I don't think I could do a round trip without some rest in between - although if we get bad news I may want to just hurry back rather than waste another precious day away. But I shouldn't think about that.

It's so sad. My husband was crying yesterday. He asked me how much bad luck can be heaped on us all at once and continue for so long? Why can't we get some good news? I know how he feels and there's nothing we can do about it. I want to make him feel better, but I can't.

2 comments:

AnonymousMarch 7, 2011 at 4:56 AM
Dear Elaine, I don't know if it helps to know this or not, but I will be praying for you and your husband as you make the trip today and see these doctors for the consultation.
Love,
Allie
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AnonymousMarch 7, 2011 at 6:55 PM
I found you on craigslist and everyday I come here to read about you. You are on my prayers, just don't give up. You are sooooo strong and I have been learning a lot from you! How old is your son in the picture? He is very cute! I am a babysitter. I wish I lived there, I would love to help you!
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Purpose of this BLOG!

I'M DYING! The purpose of this blog is very simple. I’m dying within a very short time. I have few people to chat with who are not intimidated or upset by my diagnosis and no means to fulfill a Bucket List or enjoy, but would very much like to have some simple enjoyments before I die. And I would like to make a few stranger-friends online, who will listen and share thoughts with me. So I created this blog and a Bucket List. Maybe you can share some thoughts or help me fill my bucket?

I know My Bucket List is not long, not expensive, not too luxurious – some may even laugh at the items on it, but I have no means at all to fulfill even the simplest items on it. But I also crave fellowship. I am hoping that there is still generosity among people. I don’t want pity, or hateful comments about this – I would just like to see a little charitable love, encouraging comments, support from the masses I suppose! I want to experience a little bit of hope by having something to look forward to. If I can look forward to sharing this experience with others or setting a date to see a show or enjoy some elegant food or garner a friend or two before I die – it will add to the measure of the time I have left. Maybe if I can cross items off my list one by one and share my enjoyment of them with other bloggers – I may lengthen the short time I have left with. It’s worth a shot isn’t it? My list is short and simple - but maybe as my time passes, and as I see some of them fulfilled, I can add a few more over time - and hope that my list continues to grow as does my "limited time" - but even the time doesn't grow, at least I can enjoy a few sweetened moments and share those moments with all of you!

BUCKET LIST

1. DONATION OF SURGERY FOR MY CANCER. COMPLETED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not have any insurance. My COBRA ran out in July 2011. The cancer center milked it good and left me without any help at all for surgery. I need surgery at UCLA Esophageal Cancer Center. Probably $350,000 or more. I already spent $125,000 on chemo and radiation getting ready for the surgery. Now there is no means to pay to save my life. I can get a Adult-type Make-a-Wish "vacation to die for" but not surgery that I need to live.

2. A FULL TIME FOOD SERVER OR INRONWORKER JOB FOR MY HUSBAND IN LAS VEGAS. A full time food server job for my husband at a casino restaurant with culinary health insurance or as an Ironworker/welder with California Ironworkers Local 433, so I can get the needed cancer surgery, and so I no longer have to worry about him providing for my grandson and himself when I'm gone. Please if you know of a job, let us know.

3. RELIABLE AFFORDABLE CHILD CARE. I desperately need reliable, reasonable day and night time child care for our three-year-old. In-home babysitting or a reliable place similar to Kids Quest - if there is such a thing in Las Vegas. We found one in-home service for $200 a night - but that's more than we make in a night, and regular day care services are just that - days only.

4. SPA TREATMENTS BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP. FILLED! This one has been fulfilled thanks to a reader who directed me to The Caring Place in Nevada, that gives massages, reflexology and such as free services to those with cancer. Thank you so much!

5. PRINT A FAMILY GENEALOGY BOOK. Print genealogy book and several copies for family with photos (I'm a bit of a genealogist and have put together a family book, but have no funds to print and distribute it to them before I die) Maybe someone has coupons or discounts they can pass on.

6. A LAST SET OF FAMILY PHOTOS. Nice set of family photos (Touched up so I don’t look so bad. I lost over 100 pounds in the past year. I look sickly. So I would want the photos touched up to do away with some fo the wrinkles and pallor look.)

7. USED WOMEN'S CLOTHES IN VARIOUS SIZES FROM 12-16. My weight continues to diminish and return depending on the cancer treatments. I was a size 22 two years ago, and now wear size 16, which has started to bag on me. My size is changing rapidly, but buying clothes every couple weeks seems extravangant and foolish since I won't be around long - one nice dress, and some jeans and a shirts in sizes that fit until I die.

8. USED GOOD CONDITION TODDLER STROLLER. FILLED! We have one, but it's old and hard to open and close, and falling apart. Our used stroller we bought at the Salvation Army has lost a wheel, and is not reapirable. If you have a used stroller you can donate, we'll pick it up.

9. PLANE FARE FOR MY MARINE SON TO VISIT ME. COMPLETED. The military provided it. They are so wonderful. Maybe someone has some frequent flyer miles and could buy a one-way ticket to from Virginia to Las Vegas on April 2 or 3. The service will pay for his trip back to his permanent station in North Carolina.

10. FAMILY MEMBERSHIPS. Perhaps someone could donate some family memberships - one Year Family Memberships to Lied Discovery Museum, Spring Preserves, Las Vegas Zoo, BounceU, and Child's Play - so my husband will have a place for our baby to visit and play.

11. PAMPERS, BOY SIZE 5. Sometimes people have left over diapers as their child outgrows one size for another. We'll pick them up even if it's just a few.

12. FREE WRITTEN APPRAISAL ON JEWELRY PIECES: COMPLETED. We received a written appraisal for a $3500 (new replacement value appraisal) diamond ring that a gemologist says we should be able to sell for $1,000. If anyone is interested.

13. USED LARGE SIZE YARD TOYS FOR TODDLERS. Like swings, kitchen play units, slides, riding toys. The big plastic kind, so the baby will have things to play on in the yard. Maybe your child has outgrown these things. We'd be happy to arrange pick up.

14. SET OF SOLID BUNKBEDS, WOOD, GOOD CONDITION. FILLED. For the baby's room, so I have a place for my husband to sleep when I'm not feeling well, and a place for my Marine son to sleep when he visits, and a place for the sitter to rest when we have one. We'll pick them up!

15. PARALEGAL PAPERWORK FOR GUARDIANSHIP AND ADULT ADOPTION. FILLED. Maybe a paralegal out there would donate services to draw up these papers and file them for us.

16. CHEAP CREMATION SERVICES RECOMMENDATION. FILLED! Thanks to a kind reader, I have elected to donate my body to science through MedCure. As long as I do not have radiactive pellets placed inside me, we can use this.

PayPal account address: sweet1things@sbcglobal.net

Phone Number: Upon request

Amazon Wish List: http://www.amazon.com/Elaine-S/wishlist/33ZGEE58DG98O/ref=cm_wl_search_bin_1

Monday, March 7, 2011

UCLA Appointment is Today!

It's so sad. My husband was crying yesterday. He asked me how much bad luck can be heaped on us all at once and continue for so long? Why can't we get some good news? I know how he feels and there's nothing we can do about it. I want to make him feel better, but I can't.

2 comments:

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