Naysayers about Eating and Wish List
I know in this day and age, everyone is looking to be scammed. I’ve been accused of scamming about my cancer because I have a Dying Wishes List (Bucket List). You wouldn’t believe the nasty accusations and ugly notes I’ve received focused on only the Bucket List. Or maybe you would. The idea of a Bucket List became popular after the movie, “Bucket List (2007)” starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman was released. A Bucket List refers to things you want to do before you “kick the bucket.” Many people have them just as a life joke or as goal while they are living. There are also tons of lists about “Things to Place on Your Bucket List.” If you are rich, like the guys in the movie, I guess a Bucket List is pretty easy and it certainly appeared fun. But when someone is really dying, or knows they have a death sentence in place, it’s not fun. But certainly, I shouldn’t be trashed for having a Bucket List. Most people pick one or two things from my Bucket List that seem excessive to them and beat it too death. They don’t even look at the majority of the items focused on employment for my husband, the baby, a wig or clothes that fit. They focus on the desire for spa certificate or eating out or going to a show. Why are those things on my list? The spa certificate would be used for a massage or relaxing treatment, not pedicures or manicures. My doctor suggested massages and such treatments to help relax and relief stress. It’s considered an alternative therapy for people with cancer. If one can keep a positive outlook and remove themselves from stress or at least control it better, their chances of longer survival are more. So, what’s wrong with asking for that? And what’s wrong with putting a few niceties on the list, some enjoyments, to help relax? I never asked for money! I’d be so happy just to receive a box of diapers or a really good thermometer. Does that sound like a scammer? Plus, I offered to send a copy of my PET/CAT scan results as proof to anyone who asks. I still make that offer.
I was also accused of scamming because I placed a restaurant review online about a steakhouse. Surely, the naysayers said, if I can eat steak then I am not sick and do not have esophageal cancer. Surely, if I have time to write reviews, then I am not so sick I am dying. Actually I do eat steak and other foods (and I enjoy writing reviews, so shoot me). Each person stricken by cancer is different. Each person stricken by this type of cancer is different. I eat steak, breads and other foods, but I have to take very small bites and chew them to death to swallow them. I had a few bites of my husband's cheap quality steak the other night. A few bites is usually all I can handle of rougher foods, which I chew too death, and then I put the balance in the refrigerator and reheat it a little bit at a time as I crave it. I absolutely love breads, especially hard breads like rolls and sourdoughs. I’ve basically given them up except for an occasional bite or two because I crave it so much. The pain I have when I eat is not in the swallowing as much as it is in the place where it settles in my esophagus right at my chest bone, the place where you place your hands for CPR. It does hurt a bit to swallow, but the main pain is lower, after I swallow. My throat tumor is ten inches long and travels down the entire esophagus. It is a larger width at the opening of the stomach than in its length. I've always had a high pain tolerance due to nerve damage. My fingers and toes have been numb for years and maybe that prevented a large degree of the painful swallowing. That was part of the problem in hiding the cancer from detection. The pain was not hard enough or warning enough. And, I did not know I had the cancer until a few weeks ago, which is true of most people with this cancer (confirm it online). I repeatedly saw a physician about the difficulty eating and was assured it probably wasn't anything more than anxiety or stress related problems. He said the same thing about my weight loss. I was stupid, I believed him. The tumor grew the length of the esophagus and didn't completely block the passage, but it is larger now near the opening of the stomach and that caused the pain which is increasing.
To the Naysayers - believe whatever you want. I know there will be people who doubt things no matter what words, proof or testimonies are offered. Like I said in this blog, I have proof, medical proof (PET/CAT scan results telling of the ten-inch tumor) and will provide it for anyone who wants to see it. And as far as having a bucket list - that does not negate anything I say. It's practical. It’s something many people put together when they are dying, and I was told having something like that to look forward to might help. I'll do anything that helps me last longer. The spa item is because I was told massages can reduce the stress and help as an alternative treatment, as can acupuncture. My insurance will cover acupuncture but not massages. Plus I wrote on the list, the spa was something that I can readily skip for the more important things like a solid job for my husband and reliable child care. No one wants to focus on items like that or offer ideas for them.
I’m not going to let people shame me for having a Dying Wishes List. I’m not going to let people blame me or accuse me of being a scammer because I placed ads on the internet to increase my blog readership and find online friends. I know horrible asinine people exist in the world and I know many of them have found their place on the internet where they can hide behind anonymous names just so they can attack and spew hate. And I’m sure I’ll get more hate mail when I post a Post Office Box address where people can send a $1 or $2 or diapers or anything to help. But I am not and will not feel bad about it. It’s just part of trying to survive under these insurmountable odds life has placed against me in a very bad economic time. I welcome your comments, good or bad. I will embrace the good ones and delete the bad ones. And I’ll be exceedingly gracious and thankful for any and all help offered.
I DO NEED HELP: The help I request the most right now –
(1) Ideas about reliable child care (evenings and nights) in Las Vegas
(2) Leads for a full time food server position for my husband (preferably at a casino in Las Vegas with Culinary Insurance), but we’ll consider anything and just continue to pay Cobra if needed, and
(3) A good quality thermometer to check for fevers during recovery at home, and
(4) A wig that looks like real hair, preferably long or shoulder length, golden blonde or strawberry blonde, and
(5) A Walmart or Target gift card for some underwear that fit, since weight loss has caused mine to be loose and fall down, and
(6) Diapers, size 4.
Really! Those are my highlights right now. Those are the things we struggle with. I can’t believe we are that much more different than anyone else in this economy. Send comments to sweet2things@sbcglobal.net or post them here.
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