Wasting Time Posting to Forums

Posting to Forums, Daring to Eating Out, Wasteful Money Management

I have posted my blogs links to quite a few forums.  I’ve been trying to increase my readership and hits on my blogs, and also connect with many more people.  If I post to busy forums like Religion, Craig’s List, and such, I put myself in front of perhaps thousands instead of a mitering few.  Even with those thousands of hits, I only get a few responses – I’d say maybe 4or 10.  Out of those 4-10 people who respond, half will seem sincerely interested and half will be asinine people who just want to be hateful and nitpicking over the internet.  The asinine people and nitpickers make me appreciate the sincere few.  In addition, if I make a good response to one of the asinine, then that person flags my posting and I have to start over again.  After a post is flagged, it is removed.  ANYONE can flag a post and cause it to be removed for any reason including being found out that they are just asinine and want to be vengeful.  But even with the sincere few, some of them lose interest and fade away quickly.  In all, after a couple thousand readers, I end up with maybe one or two sincere pen pals who help me through my mundane and grievous days, or give me good ideas for prevailing against my long list of things I have to get done before I die – my personal Bucket List, not the one posted here.  It has 35 items on it with only two crossed off.

Things they say that I defend:

(1)  Get off the list and spend time with your kid – I probably should get off the lists and just complete that long To Do List that looms over me every day.  But depression wins out a lot.  I only spend time in the forums or responding to email from well wishers when my two-year-old is sleeping or at night when I am here alone with my thoughts while he sleep and my husband is at work or also sleeping.  I suffer from insomnia a lot these days, partly due to medications, partly due to anxiety.  The forums sometimes ease that.  Emails from well wishers always ease it.

(2)  If you can eat out, you’re a scammer - Everyone eats out sometimes – even the homeless for gawds sake with the meager bucks they beg for.  For us, "eating out" at somewhere nice always included coupons or comps, or someone taking us out for a celebration or special time.  What should I do?  Ask for the cash instead of the meal out?  That would be the utmost of tacky or crude.  I use comps, coupons, gift certificates and such whenever I can.  But, hey, maybe the day of standing outside McDonald’s and begging for a meal is not that far away.  I guess I’ll get blasted for “eating out” and “begging” and being a general loser then.

(3)  If you can eat fast food out then you are not bad off -- I don't see why eating fast food sometimes would even matter.  In Las Vegas they have a lot of buy-one-get-one-free deals.  Fast food is cheaper than eating in, and there are no dishes or mess, and it gets me out of a grieving household.  With a two-for-one, we can get two Whoppers for $2.89.   We also have an Entertainment Book I purchased prior to the diagnosis that has tons of two-fer coupons.  I use them all the time.  If I get some type of fast food while we are out for just a $1 or $2 per person, it's as cheap as eating home.  Plus we cannot afford to eat at restaurants two or three times a week while running around for doctor appointments, and it's not always convenient to run home and eat and run out again, plus we always have the baby with us.  I carry snacks for the baby, but the doctor appointments, standing in line for a SS Card and such does not always time out right and sometimes we need to grab something to eat.  I don’t eat fast food when we go out running errands just because I love fast food – in fact, right now, no food tastes very good to me.  I eat to live, I don’t live to eat.  I have to chew everything to such a fine pulp that it is not even appetizing.  If I get a Whopper, I wind up eating about 1/3 of it and throwing the rest away.  It’s just a convenience at times to eat fast food, it’s cheap, but certainly not a treat of any kind. 

(3)  Your blog says your husband takes the baby out to breakfast out – Wow.  It looks like I certainly enjoy wasting money I don’t have to spend, huh?  Sometimes my husband takes the baby to breakfast so I can rest. I am extremely tired a lot of the time.  Sometimes, the baby wakes us up at night with a seizure, which means an all night trip to the hospital.  Plus the baby tends to be loud as baby's can be at times.  And sometimes, the baby just does not want to sleep when we do and plays for several hours, deep into the night.  My husband sometimes takes him to breakfast at McDonald's so I can sleep in a bit.  The baby plays on the play equipment.  He orders the baby a side of scrambled eggs ($1) with no drink because the baby still has a bottle we fill from home.  My husband gets a Big Breakfast for $2.89.  Sometimes it's just as cheap to eat out in Vegas as at home.  We are fighting depression and getting out a little helps.

(4)  Why don’t we get financial help from disability and food stamps?  -- That is exceedingly hard in Nevada.  Believe me we tried.  We are applying and trying for various help like SSI, disability, etc.  In Nevada, food stamps are not an option because they count my father’s income since we live with him.  They don’t count expense, which eat up most of his income, including medical expenses.  There is no night time child care here and that is a BIG concern.  I’ve donated my body to science through a forum posting from Ian (thanks Ian), so that eliminates cremation costs.  See, sometimes the forums help a bit.

(5)  Managing my little bit of money better – Naysayers recommend that I forgo those McDonald’s $1 meals out and my Wish List, and go buy some underwear at the thrift shop or shop cheaper and better for things I need.  I use to shop a lot, and I was a real bargain hunter.  I know bargains from crap.  Underwear at the thrift shops, huh?  Have you been there, have you looked?  Bet you haven’t.  In Vegas there is not much to choose from.  Most are a little ragged and stretched out.  As for the $1 bins at cheap stores – they have them.  The underwear in them are the cutesy mini panties, low on the hip panties, lace panties, see-thru panties, and generally panties for young teens, not people like me who want a cotton pair of full size underwear on me while in the hospital.  Plus, real shopping and looking through bargain bins really tires me out.  I try to avoid that.  Believe me, I budget my money constantly, I think it about it day and night, I fret over many little purchases, I penny pinch for child care.  It’s an ongoing pain in the ass concern without a minute’s let up.  So go ahead and shoot me for a cheap-ass meal out.

(6)  Having a Wish List, wanting to have some fun – Money is a constant concern.  I worry about it night and day.  It’s been suggested I attend free things instead of movie tickets and shows.  We do.  We use our Bank of America card free museum weekend each month for the three local exhibits it covers.  We take the baby to the water parks when it’s hot.  We go to the library and local rec centers, many of which are closed earlier and on weekends and Fridays due to the economy cuts.  I like free concerts and such but sitting on the ground, or in a folding chair, or on a hard bench just wears me out.  We even tried Drive-In movies on Family Nights, but sitting in the car for so long, especially with a crying or antsy baby, just kills me now.  So I crave soft movie seats, seeing a show, and such, as things that will let me forget how crappy dying and constantly budgeting can be.  I don’t think it’s wrong.

(7)  Naysayers -- The problem with posting your thoughts, dreams, wants, and depressions is the same every where -- the naysayers and asses read too much into the little things and pick apart non-consequential things like cheap eating out and gift dinners.  So what if someone eats out occasionally?  So sue me if I choose a $2 McDonald's meal over a pair of underwear!  So sue me if I want a few normal feeling things in my life while I'm dying and grieving!  I think about dying all day long.  I think about the people I will miss.  I worry about the burden my loss will place on them.  I worry about how they are going to survive.  I hope for anything that will take my mind away from it for even a few minutes.