Is it weird that I prefer strangers over people I already know? I hate seeing the pity in their eyes - and the fear. If it could happen to me, it could happen to them. And they see my body, all withered, wrinkled and small. I use to weigh 220 pounds, and now I’m thin as a rail. I was boisterous, bigger than life, and totally comfident being the big woman of their dreams. Now I'm the straw man with my straw falling out more and more, a scarecrow of nothing. And it scares them. And I see it in their eyes. And then they cry. The tears well up in their eyes. They want to cry for me, hug me, and hold on to me. I’ve done my crying. I need glimmers of joy. I need sunlight and hosannas. I need anything but death, crying, tears, fear, pity and that forlorn look everyone gets when they stand before me. Is it weird that I prefer strangers over people I already know? Talk to me. Tell me what you think. Let’s have a stranger to stranger conversation without prying and crying eyes.
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